Peace family, Mother’s Day brings up a lot of pain sometimes. Chaplain Gary Roe with Hospice Brazos Valley has some words of comfort for those of us who will be hurting on Mother’s Day.
Gary says, it’s true that Mother’s Day isn’t fun for everyone. Some people are grieving a mother who recently passed away, or even in the distant past and they’re still grieving. Think for a minute about the impact- when a mother passes away, we’ve never known a moment or taken a breath without her being there somewhere. What do you do with that, when it comes to be Mother’s Day? You can’t send her a card, you can’t make a phone call, you can’t show up to visit.
There’s also a whole, different kind of grief that occurs on Mother’s Day: the grief of a mother for a child. In other words, if a mother has lost a child, Mother’s Day means something totally different to them, now. We all think that our kids are going to outlive us and that we’re not going to have to bury our kids. To lose a child first is totally backwards.
There are also the secret, silent losses of children, losses that we don’t talk about much. There are losses due to abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, and all kinds of things come with them: guilt, sorrow, pain, longing, anger, confusion, frustration and questions about faith. We ask, “Where was God in this? Why did this have to happen to me, to her, to him?”
Mother’s Day can not only be painful, it can be traumatic, and the problem is that the world feels like life goes on and you really should get over this. To a someone grieving, that’s like someone saying that your mother or your child didn’t matter. We’re hurting, and we should be hurting.
As Mother’s Day approaches, if you’re hurting, please be aware first of all, that it really is okay to hurt. You’ve endured a heavy loss, and it should hurt. God created us in his image, he wired us for relationships and to do relationships, and these are close relationships we’re talking about. We do not do separation well. It’s okay to hurt.
Second, if you’re grieving this Mother’s Day, please, make a plan for the day, even just a simple one. If you’ve lost your mom, make a plan to honor her this Mother’s Day. If you’ve lost your child, make a plan to honor him or her this mother’s day. Set up a picture. Light a candle. Write them a card or letter. Maybe have people share a memory over a meal. Include an empty chair at the table. If they had a Facebook profile, you can post a tribute there.
If you’re not grieving this Mother’s Day, just be aware that some of the people around you are. Be watchful, sensitive, loving, and accepting. Be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ to them this Mother’s Day. Weep with them, mourn with them, come along side them, and let them know in some shape, form, or fashion, even if it’s an email or text, “I’m just thinking about you today.”
If you’re out there and feel like, “I need some extra help here,” you can find some free resources at Gary’s website, www.GaryRoe.com or call Hospice Brazos Valley at 979-821-2266.